Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Associate, Regulatory Supervision

So I believe I have told y'all that they are doing a company wide lay-off at Prudential. I have since been in a state of disrepair.

I do try to contain my feelings to the best of my ability but if you really know me then you can sense that even if I am occupied I am always preoccupied with thoughts about my career.

I hate feeling like this and I mostly hate that it is affecting my home life. I walk around in a blank state of worry.

I am always thinking:
1) Why is my company treating me like a number?
2) I can't wait until the middle of August so that I may know my future!
3) What happens if I don't get the news I want?
4) I crunched the numbers and there is no way we can afford to live on Matthews salary...for no period of time.
5) Will I be able to find a job quickly enough to supplement the loss and will that be a big step back for me?
6) i know I will be so happy if I can work from home but what if I lose the position to my co-worker. I have to be happy for her right?

All of these questions plus about a billion more go through my mind daily and nightly. I don't sleep much and when I do I never get a deep sleep with dreams. I miss my dreams because they usually help me work out my problems in my life.

Since I don't sleep I am physically exhausted and barely have the energy for conversation. I do put on a good front when I have to but like I said most of you know me and have already started to try and relieve my stress. A day at the pool, watching HBO with best friends, teaching me how to coupon(lol), or just taking care of the chores that are my life.

I just want to say thank you to the ones I lean on and there are a few that just simply keep me sane during the work week with emails that provide a great distraction.

I had an interview yesterday for the job title listed as my title. It's mostly for the hiring of which half of my responsibilities are. The interview only lasted thirty minutes and I just knew that was a bad sign. Well my co-worker had the same interview today and it was the same. It was a behavioral interview.

Let me just say that this style really sucks! If you are a smooth talker then you would ace this but if you are a pessimistic, worry wart like myself then your voice cracks and mostly you sound like a moron. The only thing that made this interview worse was that it was a phone interview and that meant I had know idea what their facial expressions were and if they were grasping my blather.

So pretty much after it was over I hung up the phone and cried for the rest of the day. I tried calling people for comfort but they had none to the moment.

I eventually made it back to my desk and just numbed out again. I didn't get anything done because I was over analyzing everything that just happened.

I did find out today though that they are doing interviews in Tiers. I must be in Tier one for this position because I was one of the first to have an interview set up. This makes me feel good an bad. Good for the obvious reason but bad because I have yet to hear from the other jobs I posted for.

Well anyways now you are as up to date as I am.
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